7 new ways to take up more space in a fat-phobic world
Well, it’s been a long time between blogs that’s for sure. Things have got away from me and I think if I am honest, I forgot I love to write. Writing a book will stamp that love right out of you.
This post is about how I woke up in the middle of my bed one night recently. Wow. Interesting. Don’t give up on me yet. I don’t remember the last time I took up space in my own (Queen and un-shared bed)
In that exact moment I realised I had been hugging the sides, or one side (“my side”) in particular. Once again, trying not to take up too much space or move too much or disturb anyone (by anyone, I mean my ex-husband)
That’s not the really sad bit. The tragic part is I have been divorced for 9 years.
Oh god. It runs deep. And I have thought about it a lot, which brought me home to writing and why it’s 10.52pm on a school night as I write this.
Like any larger bodied person I take up space. That’s not that welcome in our fat phobic society, but leaving that to one side I started thinking about all the other areas I am trying to make myself smaller. Without even realising. So here it is. Take up the challenge!
In bed! Well, that one has been rectified. I am now a certified starfish and it’s delightful
In shops. Today, while getting an early mark (can I get a medal for this one please) on some Christmas gifts I knocked over 3 things in 3 different shops. I I just walked away from. Goddamn it, make space for me. It’s my new motto. Unless I break something. I will let you know if that happens!
In chairs. There is this cafe chair currently popular in Melbourne and it LOOKS body friendly, but it cuts right in in the worst possible way. So, instead of suffering (really) first I eyeball if there is a better chair and get it. Or leave. Seriously. You don’t deserve my cash if you are going to bruise my derriere like that.
In Yoga Class. So at home, I am all over the place. I have my yoga basket of props (one day that will read “I have my own yoga room”) but in studio classes I cringe. Especially when you walk in and there are these little markers on the studio floor informing you exactly to the centimeter HOW MUCH SPACE you deserve. Awkward. No one wants the mat next to me. I have worked out the back corner is my best bet. But since I had my revelation it’s front and centre for me now. If you don’t like it go to the back corner. If I accidentally touch you, you won’t die LuluLemon girl. Fat is not catchy.
Bathrooms. Public ones. I feel very strongly about not using disabled bathrooms as I am able bodied, but recently I wonder if they are getting smaller. Sometimes the squish factor as I move around the door is just ridiculous. So here is where the pen is mighty. I complain. In writing. With strong words which comfort me like ‘discrimination’ and ‘access’. Let’s be honest, this is a fruitless task. But I do love a good letter. Tip. Get a friend to hold your bag. You slip round easier that way!
Clothing. Ahh. A subject close to my fashionista past. I used to only wear black. Firstly as it was an unwritten rule at Armani and Valentino where I worked, and then later as it was “slimming” - Imagine I am saying it in a sickly condescending way. Now, lets be honest, if it’s in colour I am all over it. Don’t care about FLATTERING anymore. That’s just another way to keep me small. I do have a confession though. I have a floor length multi-coloured with pom-poms ehrm…thing….that I just don’t know what do with except love.
OK. Finally. Don’t be silent. Use your voice. Don’t stay small in your opinions or objections if you have feelings and politics and passion you need to speak. I used to not want to call too much attention to myself (clearly that’s over) because I didn’t want to be “that girl” or “angry feminist”…..now if you call me an angry feminist I would high five you. Major complement.
So, my challenge to you is to reflect on the ways you are trying to make yourself smaller. It can be emotionally, physically or practically. Love to hear from you down in the comments.
Love and Namaste and Light and that corny stuff which I actually do believe,